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Pensando familias

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PEREIRA, Roberto. Why don't you just break up: The loss of confidence in marriage. Pensando fam. [online]. 2015, vol.19, n.2, pp. 3-20. ISSN 1679-494X.

When you are working in systemic family therapy, especially with couples, it is not uncommon to find some of them fighting all the time, taking whatever opportunity to hurt each other, harming the other person and the relationship with the resources at hand, usually without physical violence. The fights stop with our repair or forgiveness. These are couples, when you see them you end up just saying (aloud or to yourself, depending on how you feel that day): "Why don´t you just break up?" It is an important question. If, as seems, the primary goal as a couple is to harm each other, and both suffer in their relationship, and there are no major legal or economic reasons that make them stay together , the divorce could be a good alternative. So why don´t they just separate? The article tries to answer exactly this question, suggesting that the source of endless conflict is a betrayal of the trust of each member of the couple with his or her family of origin. They can´t divorce because their loyalty to their family of origin blocks this exit: breakdown of the relationship. A fragment of Aida, Verdi's opera is used as an example to back up our working hypothesis.

Keywords : Trust; Relationship; Game Theory; "Malign clinch"; Symmetrical escalation.

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